I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
