I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
