Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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