I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
