Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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