i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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