it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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