i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
