If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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