totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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