Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
