the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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