Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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