i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
