nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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