My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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