Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
