forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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