These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
