I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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