Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
