I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
