Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
