For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
