Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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