So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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