I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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