Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize