just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
