how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
