Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
