we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
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Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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