I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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