I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize