yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
