I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
