i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
