i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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