Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
