happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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