i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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