me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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