I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
