Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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