Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
