Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I had to cum in my sink.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
