I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
