imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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