We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
