Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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