Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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