You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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