theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
