apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
