Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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