Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
