I'm drive I can fine osifer
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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