Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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