check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He felt like a one man threesome
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
