it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
