She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
