if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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