He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
