morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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