ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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