apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
