Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
