im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
