Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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