I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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