just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
