allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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