True but thats because hes a fetus.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
