so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
