Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
