I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Soap is not a condiment
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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