I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
