I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
