no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
