i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
