So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
